Village Idiots

I left my house at 3 p.m. today after taking care of my business on the phone. I am working at school on Monday for a few hours to help with orientation. I will be handing out packets to incoming students.

I get to be one of the first faces they see as they enter the building for the first time. Could be good. Could be bad. It will be interesting nonetheless. I remember my first time at the GF. I was so nervous. But I remember the introductory speeches filing me with so much excitement.

And here I am, a week and a half away from the start of my second and final year in grad school. I can't believe how quickly it has gone. A year ago today I was still on the road. We were probably in Ohio. I had no idea what was to come, but I have met so many wonderful people and have grown so much. But I still have more to grow.

This summer has been a testament to the things that I seem to be flushing out of my system. Knowing what I want in life and from people are two things that have been forefront in my mind for the past couple of months and I can only see myself now going after what I want.

The passion I have inside for so many things reminds me every day that there is meaning to be had in life. There are relationships to enter and people to love. And the bottom line is you gotta love what you're livin' (these six words came out of my mouth on my birthday as a matter of fact during a conversation I was having with someone pondering an MFA in art. It's become my motto. If anyone knows if someone else said it before me -- someone famous -- go ahead and let me know. Otherwise, I'll take the credit for coining it). Wow, that was a tangent. So I left my house at three.I headed to the West Village to do some browsing before I had to meet Pavlina and Victoria at The Lion King. The first store I entered was a corner store on Bleecker and something that contained artifacts, clothing, jewelry, etc. from all over the world. A sign on the door said "there is a cat inside, so please don't bring in your dog."

You always have to trust a cat lover. As I prepared to walk in, there were two people leaving -- a white man and woman. The man held the door open after he exited, which was quite nice of him I should say. Before I entered the worldly establishment, I noticed a woman who I assumed was the owner, sitting opposite the door occupying herself with something.

In other words, she was not concerned with the folks who were leaving. She was engrossed in whatever it was she was doing and that was that. She did greet me as I walked in, which is always nice. I was walking slowly, because I wanted to take everything in. I walked to the right. Just then, the woman stood up. I spotted three baskets on the floor full of things such as beads, bracelets, and pendants.

So I squatted to get a closer look. I felt the owner breathing down my neck so I looked to my right to see where she was. And there she was. Standing about four to five feet away from me, watching what I was doing. I immediately felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave. But just then, the mulatto cat pranced over and began sniffing me. I was cool with that. I started petting it. But the owner scared it away.

I must not have been allowed to touch the cat. She smiled faintly as I looked up at her to try to figure out why she made the noise. I stood up, looked in some of her glass cases, thanked her politely, and left. Moving on.

I then walked into a store that sold bath stuff and candles. I walked in and noticed three gay dudes talking to my right. One was standing behind the counter and all of them saw me. The employee didn't greet me. I walked around the small store, looking at the overpriced merchandise they had to offer and ended up seriously considering purchasing a candle. Just then, a man who was probably in his forties walked in. "Good afternoon to you, sir," came the greeting from behind the counter. I then made my way back around the aisle and to the front, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of there, because by now, I was angry. I tried not to take these two encounters personally.

A similar thing happened last Tuesday in the Village. I walked into a store called "Aphrodesia" I think and the woman behind the counter was speaking to a friend of hers. She never said anything. I was in there for about 10 minutes, too. Maybe she was just too engaged in the conversation to be bothered with being nice to a customer who would potentially have bought something. I actually found something I liked but decided against it based on her discommunication.

I never want to be the person who is always claiming to be the victim of racism and/or homophobia. But instances like this make me jump to such conclusions. I like to have more faith in society, since it's society that I am trying to change. And without faith, change is impossible.

But sometimes, I just can't help it. When someone gets up from her seat and stands that close to you, watching over you while you peruse her merchandise, the thoughts have nowhere to go but my head. I glanced up every once in a while, too, and there she was, just looking. It made me sad. The second store made me angry. It takes so much to look at yourself and be comfortable with who you are in your skin. And then instances like these occur and they make you question. No matter how strong you are -- and I actually consider myself to be quite a strong individual -- it can affect you. I've been lucky in my life to have escaped things like this, or remained ignorant to them, as it were.

It's the strength I do have that I need to call on when I leave the store to mend the confidence that was just tested. The lesson? Stay out of the West Village? Hell no. I'm allowed to be there. And I like it.

So with one quick shake of the head, I moved on, not allowing these Village idiots to get the better of me. I found another store -- a smoke shop that sold candles and bath stuff and incense. I walked in and began looking around. Then I heard, "how are you today?" I'm fine, I replied, and you? "Good." I was happy to have finally been acknowledged and decided to thank him for his generosity. "You're welcome," he said. I then went into another store (there are a lot of stores there).

This one is called Beautiful Tibet. The man was so nice. There was a woman, too. They were almost too nice because they offered commentary on practically everything I picked up. I ended up buying some incense and a card. We got to talking about California eventually, and I told him to visit N. California.

We got started on the conversation, because I was writing something and he said I had beautiful handwriting. I laughed. He asked where I went to high school. He was cool. I'm glad I had these two experiences. I'm going to encounter both good and bad folks. They can't all like me. My leo-ness will one day -- I'm sure -- let me believe this... After spending an hour at a cafe on Bleeker and doing some writing, I headed uptown to 42nd St. to wait for Pavlina and Victoria. The show was ok. It was more of an extravaganza than anything. But it was definitely worth the free ticket I got thanks to Pavlina's boss. That was very nice of him to buy me one. Seeing the show just made me want to go see more. Oh well. One day.