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I read some Orwell memoir today. The guy went on and on and on.

And so I stopped reading. I decided to get a haircut, so I went to my old neighborhood in lower Manhattan. It's strange, but in a way I miss it. I think my haircut had something to do with the fact that I had a little bit better of a day. (That sentence structure was awkward. Sorry.) There's something about releasing some energy that has a hold on you through your hair.

Anyway, Nelya, the woman who cuts my hair, reminded me how she wants to put highlights in my hair. She remembers me during my Franco days when I sported the blonde look. I told her that I was aware of her wanting me to have highlights but that it wasn't going to happen. I like the cut, except I had to fix it a bit when I got home with my clippers. None of this is important. There's a hat store by where I used to live and I've always wanted a brown leather hat that has a short brim all the way around. I went to the store and the guy was closed for about 10 minutes.

I decided not to wait and instead went to buy some headphones. I stood there looking at my choices for a bit but wasn't falling for any of them. Headphones are an important aspect of my day and I need to take time before making such a crucial decision. So I held off. I went back home and realized I felt a little better. There was a Liberal Studies party tonight at the GF that I went to. I had to gear up for it, though, because I still wasn't completely in a party mood.Having turned down five parties in the last two weeks kind of took me out of my ability to socialize so I had to warm up. I listened to Cabaret, which ususally does the trick. Then, a quick listen to Guys and Dolls and I was off. I actually had a good time. Free wine is always a good thing. I talked to some people I hadn't spoken to in a while. I met some new people and it felt good to get out.

A friend of mine who I haven't been close with in a while came and sat down and asked me how I was doing. Before I could answer, she said she could tell something was wrong. She said it was in my eyes. Geez. After we got kicked out, most of us went to El Cantinera on University. I danced a little merengue, drank a margarita, which ended up being free. I also picked up a copy of a thesis that was written last year. Most of it is about Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I am afraid that I may not be able to write about it, because this one was written so recently. Oh well. Back to the writing board.

I finished the Halberstam interview today, too. So it was also a cognitively stimulating day, which are always good. That's about all I have to say. Day by day, I guess. I'm seeing Elizabeth (my therapist) tomorrow. I'm hoping she can just tell me what to do, so I can stop being sad. But I know that that's not how it works. The void I feel at the absence of Micah this week is not something that I can just fix. There are no magic potions for heartbreak. I just really fell for her. And I think I'm still falling, which I believe is contributing to my melancholy. Tomorrow is another day.