A Clean in Lismore

Meredith and I went to Lismore yesterday to clean her apartment. Most of the cleaning she did was the brush around the perimeter of the unit, as well as going over the stuff I said I cleaned. (I've never exercised attention to detail when it comes to cleaning; I can admit this.)

The only thing I can really say for certain about Lismore is that it goddamn loves its spiders. For the love of god. Since I've been here, I've encountered them in lettuce and closets and yesterday found one -- about a foot in width and length and height and all that -- hanging on its web between two trees. It also had little satellite spiders chilling on the either side of it and one in front. It was like the big one was the god spider and the others were its underlings sent to catch gnats for dinner and then were to later become dinner themselves.

We finally headed out with a dresser and other random items in tow that we couldn't get rid of. On the way home, we stopped off to go to the store, taking advantage of the fact that we had a car for the day. We whipped through three aisles before the store closed and headed back to the car.

I have to say here that something I noticed -- and very much appreciate -- about Australia is its catalog fetish. Everywhere you go, it seems, you can pick up a catalog. Usually it will be a four-color, well-designed affair highlighting the particular store's best items.  The grocery store had one last night. I picked it up, because I love a catalog.

Back to the car, Meredith and I headed, I with the lone grocery bag in hand, she with the keys. I opened the back passenger door to put the bag in next to the dresser and there, attempting to scurry away but change its mind because somehow it knows I am afraid of it, is ANOTHER SPIDER! It's getting really very old. I get it, Australia. You love a spider. I bow to you. Now get over it.

I called Meredith over and, well, she doesn't like 'em much, either, so we both kind of stared at it, hoping it would just jump off onto the ground and go on its merry way. No. Instead, it ran up toward the top of the door. I, thinking it was officially out of the car, shut the door in a panic. I shut it right up in there. So I opened it again, hoping it hadn't gone back into the car, because if that were to happen, Meredith and I would have had to sleep in the

car park. Thankfully, it was still there and used its new freedom to scurry up to the roof then down to the

wind screen. Fuck.

We followed it around and around the car, with grocery store employees (two of them) watching us from afar. At one point, the spider, having made its way back onto the wind screen, kind of looked like it got up on all eight of its tip toes. Or tip legs. Whatever. And it just stood there. Probably staring at the both of us at the same time -- me one one side of the car and Meredith on the other. Finally, it ran back to the original site of the car, and I took the catalog from the grocery store and, in one motion, took a big step, raised my right arm, and swiped at it. We flew into the car, did a quick check (though I'm not sure that was such a good idea, because, really, what would we have done had we spotted more of them?) and went on our way freaking out and scratching the phantom spiders we felt on our arms, necks, and legs.

I'm over the spiders. Oh, and the apartment's totally clean. No more Lismore. The End.