A Welcome Emerson

"To be great is to be misunderstood." I think I have finally read something in my Modernity class that I can relate to. This quote is by Ralph Waldo Emerson and it's from his essay called Self-Reliance. Let me give you another one. And bear with me because it's a bit longer but it's really fitting for me right now and, well, I plan on taking it to heart:

"What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

Let's pause and consider the meaning of this quote. Reading stuff like this is inspiring. Of course, I will have to look for discrepancies in his arguments, and I will find them, but for the most part, I truly believe Emerson was dead on. There's a lot of bullshit in this world and people espouse a lot of bullshit. And yet, we wade through it, sometimes without proper footwear. I'm done. The other reading for next Tuesday is Emerson's The Over-Soul and Circles.

We also have to read Nietzsche's Schopenhauer as Educator. Next week's topic is "Exploring the Modern Self." It should be an interesting discussion. I read a few pages of Nietzsche and it's very similar to Emerson. Conformity is a bad thing I guess. By doing so, we surrender the potential of our selves and follow "pseudo-men." I'm still trying to get through the Venezuelan slave book. I just don't like reading history. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of it. I really am. But the names and dates. I just get lost.

Now, my bedtime reading is A History of the Modern World. It's wonderful. I suggest purchasing it if you have the similarly limited knowledge of history that I have. But don't buy the new edition unless you've got the $60 to spend. Half.com is where you'll want to go. There are two editions: To 1815 and Since 1815. I wonder what happened in 1815. I'm only at the French Revolution. I've also begun my chapters on race and ethnicity. This is a fascinating topic.

The most significant thing I've learned is how screwed up I am because of society. Who knew it had so much power in determining race and ethnicity? I didn't. And I'm not just talking about "you're black" "you're white" "you're Latino," etc. I'm talking about people coming up to me and with absolute certainty in their voice telling me that I could be Latina. Oh could I now? Well thanks for the two cents. It's gonna make me sleep a lot easier.

The people swoop in, they regurgitate trite drivel, and then they leave. "What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the other people think." I'm sorry. I slipped back into Transcendentalism. I realize that I could potentially be a sociologist's wet dream. This is why I'm considering (really only considering at this point) to direct my studies sociologically. New School University in all its leftist liberalism offers a doctorate in it and I can't imagine going back to work in a year and a half. It's a long way off still and I still need to do some more thinking about it, but there is so much that I am interested in that can be examined more closely in the sociological setting.

So we'll see. An interesting thing happened tonight. I went to a place called Fuelray with some friends to celebrate the end of Hegel hell. (The Web site is very minimalist right now, which you just found out if you clicked on the link I provided. It's not my fault.) I was with Marcella, Lorena, Renata, Brenda, and Helen. Lorena, Renata, and Helen are in my Modernity discussion group and the other two are in the class. Countries of origin are of significant note here: Marcella (Mexico); Lorena (Puerto Rico); Renata (Colombia); Brenda (Venezuela -- maybe she can help clear up some of that history I need to know for Tuesday); and Helen (Australia). I love it that I am a national minority.

Ok, so there was this red-headed guy sitting at a table and I noticed him looking over at us. Staring. Now I have nothing against red-heads (I love you, John) but this guy was an absolute freak and I'm not quite sure what the color of his hair had to do with it. It happened something like this: He came over to us saying he had an ashtray to return. Whatever, freak.

Marcella got up to go to the bathroom and he came and sat down with us. He said he heard what we were talking about (race and stuff. What else?) And he handed us tickets to a talk called "Undiagnosing Gender" next week at NYU (grrrrr). Judith Butler is the main draw. Fine. That was nice of him. We're all going. So then, Renata got up to go the bathroom. (I think there might be a lesson in this.) When she came back, she spoke to Lorena and Marcella in Spanish as she is wont to do. Responding to the blank look on my face, she then told me that our red-headed freakboy cornered her and said he wanted Brenda. I was thinking of putting my arm around her to thwart his advances but to no avail. He'd been staring at her all evening and if we were together, she wouldn't be on the other end of the couch.

So by this time, Helen has left to escape the smoke, which was everywhere. A vacancy is now available on the couch. He packed up his stuff and came over and sat down. And stared at her. He was totally harmless and it was mostly amusing but give me a break. We were talking about toasted pancakes, which I eat in rotation every morning with toasted waffles and French toast. And he started talking about things that start out uninteresting will never gain interest. We were talking about pancakes!

I watched him from time to time and he'd unzip and zip his sweatshirt (all the while staring at Brenda) and then put his hands on his fluffy hair like he was now sexy boy. Needless to say, we soon left and freakboy had to go home sans Brenda. I think I have set a record with the length of this entry. Apparently, sleep is no object. I still have a little Web searching to do tonight. I think I'm going to write my slavery paper (20-30 pages) on literacy during slavery in the 19th century: the threat to the masters and the hope for the slaves.

I guess I'll have to wait and see what world-renowned slavery guy has to say about it. I'm meeting next week with Sarah my Race teacher on my white privilege topic. My goal is to have an outline and bibliography ready for her to (dis)approve so I can get going on it. I'm a little scared to start but the fact that I've got exactly eight weeks left leaves me no choice. Jump right in. I'm finished now. Time to sleep.