About Me…and What Isn’t?

I've had a few comments about the latest addition to my site. Too verbose was the most common. So I'm going to be editing it soon. Like when it's not 4 am and I can think more clearly.

The Brown grads last night were pretty cool. One of them is working toward a doctorate in American Studies at NYU. I considered applying to that program but I know it's really hard to get into. Not that I'm letting that stop me. Paige and I have talked about it being pretty political in nature. Although I'm pretty political -- yes, really, I am -- I'm not interested in going totally that way in any future work I do. My interest is more in exploring the world and its ways from a literary standpoint. That's basically what it all boils down to.

So I'm considering literature programs in addition to cultural studies-type programs. I've only got about seven more weeks left in the summer. I've got a lot more reading still to do in addition to trying to nail down my thesis topic. In addition to turning 30 in California. I feel as though if I keep saying that to myself, that I'm going to be 30 in 19 days, then I'll just get really used to it. 30. 19 days.

So yeah, looking at Ph.D. programs still. I was at Fuelray today with Cornelia. She brought her laptop, as did I, and, wouldn't you know it, I found myself a little wireless connection so I can be online there, too. Anyway, she took a break from working on her paper, and ran some of it by me.We got into a discussion about the relation of the "self" to "the other," which is part of her paper, and about how they move through time and space to reach a synthesis, yet they can't because the soul has to determine when it's time. Or something like that. It's Plato stuff. It's also Hegel stuff, which is what I did my presentation on last semester, which is something I was able to refer to. We continued talking and she brought up writing.

Alluding to the "unwritable." I then related this "self" and "other" to the "writable" and "unwritable," trying to make a connection to that which continues to remain out of the writer's grasp is that which continues to be written about. And this process goes on dialectically. This prompted her to open a new document and write it down. Sweet. This grad school thing is getting better and better for me. And this discussion between Cornelia and me is an example of that academic community on which I thrive. Another example is my suggestion that Hedwig was castrated, to which Paige raised an eyebrow saying that she hadn't thought of that before and that it was a really good point.

The reading I'm doing is also helping me realize that I am becoming more equipped with the ability to make connections between texts and authors who transcend epochs, e.g. Hegel to Plato and Freud to Foucault (even though the latter set shared earth time). All this is to say that I have academic-inspired momentum.

I'm aware, too, that I may be saying something different tomorrow. But I tend to enjoy these particular upswings. That was a tangent from hell. So the Brown folks. It was fine. I met them at a bar in Fort Green called "Moe's." It's a cool place. We sat on the sofas. Good Bass Ale. And they apparently have strong margaritas. They're not as strong, however, as the ones that I will be consuming on August 2.

There were five of us at Moe's and the other four just pretty much spent the time catching up. But I got to meet cool people. One of them is getting a doctorate in psychology from CUNY. And another is an investigative producer for ABC News.

She's working on a story for 20/20 right now. I didn't tell her how Barbara Walters irritates the hair on my arm. I should have. I had a couple of interesting subway rides this weekend.  Story #1: There were two people on the train, a man and a woman. The man was holding a baby, which was probably 4 months old. It also could have been six weeks old. It's hard to tell these things.

Well, I was looking at them as the man handed the baby over to the woman after saying something to her. The woman took the baby and immediately began to breathe into the baby's mouth. Like she was doing CPR or something. I thought to myself, "Did the baby's heart stop? Is it dead?" I looked away because I thought it was weird. And this is precisely the reason I looked back, only to see the baby puke in the woman's mouth. Fucking hell. The woman non-chalantly proceeded to wipe the baby spew from her mouth and continued her conversation.

Babies are cute and all but I can't be having one of them puke in my face. It's things like this that push me toward wanting to adopt a foster child rather than have one fresh out of the womb. Not that I'm going to be adopting a child. I'm just saying.  Story #2: Today on the way home from Fuelray, the F train was a little packed, but Cornelia and I were able to secure ourselves two seats next to each other.

After a couple of stops, we heard some off-key, gospel-like tunes emanating from behind us. We turned to find 3-4 kids singing and laughing and singing and dancing and singing. Most of the people on the train, myself and Cornelia included, were getting a kick out of it. But after about 10-15 minutes, they got silent. Two of the kids came and sat directly behind us. Cornelia saw this guy but I didn't and I had to turn almost all the way around to see him. He was glaring so hard at these kids. '

All of them were sitting down by now, having been scared out of continuing their shenanigans. He looked a little strange as his bloodshot-appearing eyes glared at these kids. So I told one of the kids behind me that I hoped he wasn't brandishing a weapon. This freaked her out and then she said, "I'm not trying to get killed on the train." Then the guy directed a multi-word epithet containing "fucking" in it. Then, thankfully, we reached Fort Hamilton Parkway and were able to escape the brouhaha unscathed. As I left, I told the two girls who were sitting behind me, one of whom had gotten up and sat by her friends by this point, to be careful as they looked at me. Poor kids. The guy was a freak.  Ok, it appears that I'm procrastinating going to sleep, which is really weird because sleep is cool. So I'm going to try to get some.