Anniversaries

They're strange things, anniversaries. They mark a passage in time that is usually celebrated with special festivities, recognitions, pleasant thoughts. Sometimes, though, they mark a date that we wish could be forgotten. It makes us want to go back the two years and skip over that day and everything that happened. Maybe then, this anniversary wouldn't be necessary.

As each year passes, we find ourselves further away from that which we can't seem to get enough distance. This day will forever be a day I meet with sadness, as it marks the day someone was taken away from me. A picture of us sits on my nightstand (it will until that damn desk of mine arrives from WalMart), everyday reminding me that he's around somewhere, something I choose to believe. Anniversaries are a strange thing, indeed. You make of them what you will and you get through the day how you will. But they prove one thing -- time does move on and it heals. And no one can take away the memories. He will always be 21 years old to me, that kid who I pushed as hard as I could to take the most out of life.

So he will always be around. Today is the day I remember him the most. It was the day the bulb burned out on my lamp, which is something I'll never forget. I've just re-read the eulogy I wrote for him, something I will do once a year. And then there are my memories. And then there's the frickin' F train tonight coming back from Manhattan. "Ladies and gentlemen, we're being held here momentarily due to some congestion up ahead," came the voice from the conductor dude.When we finally moved, we moved oh so slowly. Then we stopped. Again, "ladies and gentlemen, we're being held momentarily due to some congestion up ahead." Pause. A few minutes later, "ladies and gentlement, we're being held here momentarily due to an incident at Jay St. This is the Avenue X-bound F train. The next stop will be Jay Street. Stand clear of the closing doors." We finally arrived at Jay Street where we were met by hoardes of people, most likely a result of said incident. We then continued our journey deep into Brooklyn...slowly. We successfully made it to the Smith and 9th St. exit and then, "ladies and gentlemen, we're being held here momentarily due to some congestion up ahead." I've grown quite agitated by this point. The woman sitting next to me didn't really fit in the seat so we were touching. This wasn't cool. And we weren't moving. I rested my chin in my hand and stared at the floor, hoping that the train would move soon. I only had four stops to go. Finally, we moved again. Again, slowly. We made it two stops to 7th Ave. The conductor dude kindly opened the doors for those interested in departing the train and those interested in boarding it. But the doors didn't shut. And then, "ladies and gentlemen, we're being held here momentarily due to a police investigation." What the fuck? After sitting there for 10 minutes, I finally pulled out my new cell phone and began playing MotoGP. It's a motorcycle racing game. I don't play games. I chose not to listen to music and I couldn't read because I need space to read. And you'll remember I was sitting next to someone whose elbow was practically in my rib. At least she didn't smell. After about 20 minutes, I was getting completely agitated. I had grown tired of my motorcycle man crashing into road signs but there was nothing else I could do. Walk? No way. That would have annoyed me more, what with the unseasonable rain falling outside. So I sat. And sat. I sat through the conductor dude's stupide announcements of police investigations. And then this: "Attention, attention, due to the police investigation, this train will be making express stops. The next stop will be Church Ave. [which is one stop after mine]. The train directly behind this one will be making local stops." So up I got. I got into a conversation with a woman about what was going on. She was the victim of the Jay Street incident, which just had to do with malfunctioning doors. When I told her I had to pee, she said, "at least you can pee over there." Hmmm, I thought to myself, should respond to that? "I don't have a penis, though"; or, "I forgot my cock at home today." She was nice enough, though, so I let it go. Besides, her children were with her. We had a nice little chat and then the next train arrived. I went to sit down, but as I began my descent, I smelled the man who was sleeping near where I wanted to sit. I decided to stand. I finally made it home, though, in one piece, to find my roommate and her girlfriend curled up on the futon watching a movie. Lesson: never get on a train when you have to pee. It will take forever. School starts tomorrow. I have class at six. It's my cultural criticism class. I'm looking forward to it because of the special writing instruction I'll receive. It'll be interesting to see if my writing changes after this semester. I'm not sure of my work schedule yet. And it turns out that some other people are being dicked around financially by the school. My friend Katharina's research assistant stipend was cut 50%. This school is broke as hell and their concern is not that the students have money to eat. I'm relieved that Lyle hooked me up, though. Hopefully his word is as good as gold.