Another Halloween

I was supposed to go to a party tonight but I decided not to. After not such a great day, most of which was spent in the comfort of my bed, I wanted to just do some reading and watch movies. I went to the Tea Lounge and, rather than getting a sufficient amount of reading done, I watched the children walk in asking for candy. They were cute but it was annoying. And there were much more of them loose along 7th Ave. I rented Charlie's Angels and Legally Blonde 2. They both sucked, so it's a good thing I didn't expect much. Cornelia planned to study but that didn't happen. She got a phone call and decided instead to go out. So she tried to throw a costume together.

It wasn't much but I tried to give her some kind of identity. She became a German has-been sitar player who is debilitated by lepracy on her left foot. It was something.  The list of things I need to be doing is growing. Papers, applications, letters of recommendation, etc. I registered for the English subject GRE test tonight. Why does it need to cost $130? I do get an 80-page study guide out of it. I should get a continental breakfast included with the test for that kind of money. And a private tutor. A blonde one. So this is one thing off my list. I plan on doing some brainstorming this weekend for my statement of purpose for both schools, as well as two final papers, which I will use as writing samples. And I am finally going to get out of the house for something other than school and tea. I'm going to a party tomorrow night with my friend Katherine. I met the party's host through Friendster. Should be fun. Partying with strangers, no one who has any idea who I am or what my life's about right now. I have five therapy sessions left. Elizabeth is gonna try and work something out. I think my school insurance will pay some portion of my sessions with her in her private practice. I'm relieved about that. At this point, she's the only one I'm really talking to about stuff. I don't want to burden my friends any more, especially because it's the same old shit. The problem is that when I'm in her office, like last week, I don't really know what to say. I'm frustrated by not being able to identify what's going on. When it's a generic Friday afternoon and all I want to do is take a nap, that's not cool. So Elizabeth is a godsend. Especially when I can actually open up. The other day she asked me if I wanted to be there. I said I did and asked her why. She said I seemed distant. That's not the first time I've heard that. Gotta get better at opening up. I wonder why I can't? Don't?  In other news, I'm in the middle of Isadora Duncan's autobiography. I wouldn't be reading it if not for class. I never did discuss the fact that Eliot's Middlemarch may have some competition as my favorite book. The Song of the Lark was amazing. I want to read it again and probably will before too long. The character of Thea was enlightening and Cather captured her growth as an artist well. Everyone should read this book. And everyone should read Middlemarch.