Crisis Watch
No fewer than 138 times this week have I doubted everything I'm doing. The midnight pots of coffee I brew and consume probably have something to do with this.
Morning bed times of 5 and 6 a.m. probably have something to do with this. But nevertheless, I doubt. I send panicked e-mail messages to professors asking for reassurance conversations after office hours. But believe it or not, it was a good week.
Sunday night was the beginning. This night was filled with terror, as I could not erase from my mind the number of things I still have to do. I submitted the last five-page paper for Melissa's class. And I commenced work on expanding my memoir. I'm taking a break from it now and am actually having fun. I got my re-write back from Ann. I got an A-. She said: "Wow. You did it. This is excellent!"
So the crisis:At any given moment, I have books on my lap, three browser windows open, papers with library call numbers scattered about, and school applications printing. I finally decided to just concentrate on crossing things off my list. I took care of my transcript request forms. I should get them all back within three weeks. I am working on my CV for the applications.
I filled out one of them and, of course, ran into an interesting racial identity conundrum. I checked the "Hispanic, other" box. This was optional, yes, but if there's money involved, hell, I'm gonna check something. And I figure that's my best bet. By most people, I am considered Hispanic. So that works.
I am struggling big time through my statement of purpose. It's crap and I don't want to look at it anymore. Bad timing. I want to have something workable by tomorrow evening so I can give it to my letter writers. I want the letters back within two weeks. And I hope to have the work for two classes finished by Thanksgiving. This includes my memoir assignment and the paper on "Passing," which is also going to be my writing sample. I haven't even started thinking about my thesis proposal. Haven't studied for the GRE. And haven't thought very much about the paper for my 60s class, which may be a part of my thesis. Oh yeah, and then there's the inadequacy issue. I also have to get to work on the next issue of the Bulletin. Zackie Achmat, a South African AIDS activist, came and spoke to a room full of people on Friday. He was really nice. He refused to take his medicine until the pharmaceutical companies lowered their prices. He's taking his pills again. While I was doing research, I came across Pres. Clinton's foundation Web site. It is working to lower prices of medication for AIDS patients. So I e-mailed him inviting him to the lecture. He didn't show. Erin came to my house today. We hung out for the day at the Tea Lounge. It was cool to catch up. I'm in a good mood now, which is good. Elizabeth works wonders. I think it also might have something to do with the weather. I was wearing a t-shirt yesterday. It was wonderful. And there are other things that are good. Cornelia and I are having fun in our shared misery. Well, I'm not sure "fun" is the word. But we're laughing. I went to the gay center the other night. I missed the meeting last month for good reasons, but decided to go this time. I hadn't seen Cindy and Yvette in almost a month and a half and that wasn't cool. So I went to see them. I figured also that I was ready to be in the company of gay chicks again. I'm certainly not into dating right now. The taste in my mouth is foul and I need to get it out. I think I'm almost there. Now I'm not saying I'm gonna stay away from them forever. I'm just saying I'm going to be a HELL OF A LOT MORE CAUTIOUS next time...if there is a next time. These chicks out there are fucking crazy. They fetishize me like the winter girl did, and they blame and yell at me and, well, I'm not going there anymore. So, yeah, caution. It's a good thing. So the meeting was ok. I arrived late. I had no good answers to the questions. Well, I'm bored. This post is terrible. It seems as though my writing is just getting worse and worse....and worse. I just wanted to give you an update. I'm going back to my memoir. Oh, a couple of friends of mine started a company. Check out the Web site: Brainwright.
