Edit, Stupid!

I sat down tonight to edit chapter one. I thought that meant that I would be cutting portions of the text so as to make it more concise. But rather than cutting, I am highlighting entire paragraphs and changing the color of the text -- usually to red.

I think to myself, "Perhaps I can cut this paragraph. Er, maybe not. I don't know yet. I'll just highlight it so I can come back to it only to endure the same indecision later." I can't bring myself to hit the delete key. This is not a good sign.

What's worse is that I keep adding words. Whole sentences. I'm now on page 53. I was on page 52 when I started. This thing is supposed to be getting shorter, no? It's no joke now, because I have to submit something to my advisors via e-mail Monday morning (my deadline). I'm sure I'll keep working on it after that.

But graduation is now officially less than two weeks away, and I have to have it approved by graduation day. We have till June 1st, but I want to drink without guilt on the big day. Yes, that is the only reason. I've been thinking about going away, too. I'm just not sure where.

Ideally, I'd love to rent a car and head upstate with my laptop. To a cabin. Not in the woods, though, because that's too scary. And the spiders. Uh-uh. I'm thinking something right off the interstate. Although that's potential horror-movie fodder, too. The lone cabin sitting vulnerably beneath the only street lamp for five miles. Hell no.

Maybe I could just book a hotel in Manhattan for a week and not tell anyone. I don't think that would have the same effect as actually high-tailing it out of this space for a while. I don't have the money for such things anyway, so this is only a dream. I'm going to New Jersey tomorrow to check out Alvin Ailey. I heard they're good. Then, it's back to the paper upon my return. I hope I can stop writing.