Funnin’

I always said to myself that I wanted this semester to be "difficult." I don't mean tear-my-hair-out, really-wish-I-had-a-noose kind of difficult. I just wanted to feel like I earned my degree. And this isn't to overlook the previous three semesters I made it/struggled through.

But right now, it does have to do with this document that I plan on having completely finished by end of day May 9th. As I sit here now, poring over every word in chapter 3, I am realizing that it isn't the struggle for which I am happy. I have had moments of difficulty with the thesis, most of them coming recently; I am actually having fun.

It's when that thought is just out of reach and in order to get to it you have to find the right words and put them in the right order to express it. This same thought, or, rather, entire chapter, becomes more clear as you finally dedicate serious time to meeting the challenge. I have had the most trouble with chapter 3 because it comes from the part of the film (the last five songs) that means the most to me. It is this part that I identify the most with and it is this part that, if I can pull it off, will help me make my point.

I can talk about it over beer with all the clarity in the world. But it's when faced with expressing this through writing when I find myself pausing the West Side Story soundtrack on iTunes, removing my Yankee hat, standing up and running my hand back and forth through my hair. It's sitting back down and getting through that next sentence that I find so satisfying. This challenge for me is fun.

I'm at that exact moment when things seem to be flowing nicely in my interpretation. Whether or not my classmates will like it is another story. But this process has been about just that: having confidence in the voice that I have discovered as I write this particular thing. And having confidence in the ideas that I'm trying to get across.

This is what this time has meant for me at school. I have learned how to think differently, critically. So the biggest challenge for me, which my roommate and I have discussed at length, is being able to combine the thought process and subsequent analysis with writing and reaching an outcome that, we hope, works.