I’m Gonna Be Published

You read that correctly. And I don't think it's hit yet. A few weeks ago, a friend who I have always considered my academic mentor, sent me a call for papers for a book on gender. Subject line: Open Call For Gender Query. Book title: Gender Query: Explorations of Identity, Expression, and Embodiment. Now I'm all about querying gender, even though I think it's getting really old. But I'll take a gender convo any time of the day with a clove and a drink. I had fifteen days to submit something and I resigned myself to do it. But I never got around to it. Ever. Until the day before when my friend called and I told her I didn't know what the hell to write about. We started talking about all kinds of things. I told her some stories and lo and behold: "You should write about that. I guarantee no one has." And that was that. I took to writing 500 poor words on race and masculinity in the butch-femme community to answer the call for the autobiographical section. I worked on the 500 words to make them not so bad and at 11:30 p.m. EST on the deadline, I submitted them. And the next morning, I got this: Thanks for your proposal. Naturally, I haven't reviewed all of the proposals yet, to be honest I haven't even looked at most of them yet. But I did take a look at yours just now and I have to say that this is something that needs to be in this book. I agree so deeply with what you say about the connection between race and gender, and I am also very aware of the ignorance about race in butch/femme culture.  Although I won't be so bold as to pretend to know how you feel telling this story I can say that as a transman and a survivor of abuse I know how hard it is to share deeply personal narratives and take the emotional risks of seeing them in print. I would be honored to have you tell this story in the book.  Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I will be sending a more official acceptance letter with a few guidelines for the publication in the near future. My insides churned all morning. I tried to do some writing this weekend but nothing came out like I wanted it to. My voice. That voice I struggle with finding when I'm not writing on this blog was nowhere to be found. But I've got time. And I know I want it to be perfect. So I have no choice but to tell the story I'm gonna tell my way. And get the point across the way I want. I'm gonna be published. I've been published before in magazines for work. A lit magazine for school. Somehow this is different. Even though it may only sell 34 copies, it'll be in hardcover binding. And I'll have my very own pages. I write this post with some caution, afraid that the editor will tell me he was just kidding or realized he won't have space for me. But if I can believe in this for just a moment, I'm gonna be published next year. In a book. The beginning? Progress. I'm gonna be published.