Tea Loungin’

I had a good day yesterday. I was in a really good mood, which was strange, but I went with it. I got some more studying done, which felt good. The first issue of the Bulletin came out. I'm very proud. So 100 or so people will see it Tuesday evening at a TCDS event. I'm glad I won't be there. I went to Bobst with Marek again and then went to Katherine's house and hung out till 2 am. That was cool. I needed to laugh. So why the hell was I pissed off when I woke up? This depression shit sucks. But I did something last night to make myself feel better: I bought a video camera. What's that? I don't have the money for that? No I don't. That's why I used my Apple loan. Cornelia said she's going to make a movie about me, because I can't do it myself. This should be interesting. I'd like to make a movie about the second year of grad school. I'm going to try to take it to all the Liberal Studies events and get the people in my year in it. At the end, I want to have a graduation bash and watch whatever it is I put together. If I do it. Anyway, I'm intrigued by what's going on in my head. I don't really know why I'm down right now. Well, yes I do, I guess. I wish I had an Elizabeth session on Monday. I don't until Thursday. I hope I'm sufficiently depressed that day. I think it helps when she can see it. I wasn't the last two sessions and I was just all over the place. I wasn't happy, though, either. Just neutral. And I hate that because I can't articulate my feelings. And I always have to know what I'm feeling. So it's frustrating. We finally talked about the fact that I've had a lot of sessions with her. Neither of us know how many. She said she was avoiding looking. I don't want another therapist. I couldn't have one at school anyway, but I also don't want to go to another low-priced one. So this is my dilemma. I asked her if she freelanced. I'm thinking weekly sessions at happy hour. I don't think she'll go for it. She said she was trying to figure something out. Her private practice is for rich people. I read Audre Lorde last night. If you haven't read her, you must. Pick up Zami. I lost my copy. I think I leant it to someone. Don't do that. And don't lend bookbags to people, either. You won't get them back. Anyway, my incessant rambling has come to an end. One day, folks, I'll be back to normal. I won't be aggravated by the littlest thing, so quick to be angry at what (I don't know), lacking anything substantial to discuss. Right now, I'm going to the Tea Lounge to re-write my essays for better grades and see if I can try and get through more of The House of Mirth. Peace.